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tv   Anderson Cooper Special Report  CNN  June 14, 2013 10:00pm-11:01pm PDT

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and kate, bright and early monday. >> thank you. that does it for us for now. thanks for watching. >> i'm anderson cooper. in the hour ahead, you're going to meet somebody who has demonstrated bravery time and time again as a u.s. navy s.e.a.l., a person who served this country for 20 years, and now is showing another kind of strength, living as the woman she felt she's always been. this is her story, from chris to kristin, a navy s.e.a.l.'s secret. he enlisted in 1990, with the dream of joining the u.s. navy s.e.a.l.s, one of the toughest, fittest and most secretive forces in the u.s. military. he realized that dream serving 20 years with the s.e.a.l.s, serving in iraq and afghanistan. a former navy s.e.a.l. who knew beck said he had a stellar reputation.
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by the time he retired in 2011, he had a long list of medals and commendations including the bronze star and purple heart. but for 20 years, while fighting for his country, he was fighting a battle over his gender identity. chris beck wanted to live his life openly and honestly as a woman. which is what he started doing when he retired in 2011. chris beck is now kristin beck, and feels like she's becoming the person she was always meant to be. it's been a long journey to get to this point. she's written a book about her experience called "warrior princess." it comes after the u.s. department of defense repealed its don't ask, don't tell, but gender identity has nothing to do with sexuality.
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the combat veteran would not be allowed to serve in the military as she lives her life today. how far back have you felt like this? >> i would say since grade school. i remember in third grade especially that i would look over toward my sisters and i would always want to be my older sister, heather. she was like that shining example, and it was like, i wish so much that i was more like that. and it was always just something deep inside of me that i felt that way. >> a lot of people don't understand that gender is different than sexuality. what was the feeling, even as a child, what was the feeling? >> that's -- it's so hard to explain. that's why there's still so much controversy, each within the medical doctors and everybody else and psychologists. there's always like this debate,
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and it's always very gray. it's very odd. it's a chemical makeup in ourselves that make the x and the y and everything else and how it breaks apart, and these chemicals are mixed in on untold amount of ways. just speaking for myself, but i think a lot of other people feel the same way. it's something you can't say. it's in my brain, my heart, my soul, it's in something within me. >> but even in third grade something you felt? >> definitely. >> did you know -- could you -- >> i didn't know what it was. i didn't even know -- what do you say, cross dresser, transsexual? it's so misunderstood. i think out of the entire community, the lbgt community that is so open and so misunderstood and we're growing to a point where people are
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starting to understand. but still being transgender is such a misunderstood thing. it's difficult for even us to explain it. i think that's why my book "warrior princess" talks about that anguish and how far it goes back. >> as a teenager, did you -- did those feelings continue? >> yes. it's like when i'm sitting with a bunch of guys and we're just hanging out and they see a girl walking in the mall and she's walking by and they're all whistling and saying wow, she looks awesome. and i'm going yeah, she's awesome. but i'm looking at her hair or makeup or how she looks. i want to wear her shoes and it's like, i wish i could be her. so every thought i have is not what i would say the quote man would think, but i'm still stuck in that body for so long. so i started being able to disguise it. if i say something like, if she
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has cool earrings and i'm sitting there with a bunch of guys and i get beat up. so it was something you had to suppress and i got very good at bottling it up. >> that's got to be incredibly difficult and painful. >> yes. you grow up with it for so long, and you just get so used to living through that despair. it's an anguish you keep holding inside you. i know it's a similar story we all have, that you hold on to it and when you're looking at the girls and you whistle and you're trying to do that, ride around on motorcycles. but a year into it, after being in that disguise, you're like, it just breaks out and i have to rub out to victoria's secret and buy something and wear it for a couple of days and decompress. it's like that. >> i don't think most people can understand what it's like to feel like you are in disguise,
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to feel like you are not in the body you are meant to be in, that you're not the gender you're meant to be. did you feel that way always, constantly? >> it is a constant. but as you suppress and bottle it up, it's not like not on that surface. so maybe i can put it back a few different layers. i can push it so deep, but then it gnaws at you. so it's always there, but it's always -- it's always there. but you just push it back. >> it's got to take a toll. >> it takes a huge toll. it destroys a lot of people. it's that turmoil and anguish. i know that a lot of my friends have that, you know, the same problem and they're struggling with it and trying to balance it. and that destroys marriages and families and your job. because you're dealing with it so much that when you're in that
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disguise so much, maybe it spurts out as anger or something else. you know, it's not -- you have that bottle and it's in there so tight. >> how would you let off steam, let off pressure? you said you would go to sometimes victoria's secrets? >> yeah, i would go to victoria's secrets and buy something, because close to valentine's day is the best time because there's a lot of guys buying stuff for your girlfriends. you can say you have a girlfriend and she's my height and she weighs less than me. so you give them dimensions that are close. and the ladies are always so polite. that was the best thing, because a lot of guys go in there to buy stuff for their girlfriends. so it's not uncommon. so i would buy some things and bring it home and wear it. then you have to purge, because you can't have anything laying around.
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>> what do you mean purge? >> it -- you buy a lot of stuff and you have these cool shoes or this really good stuff that makes you feel more closer to how you would like to feel, closer to that spark or that spirit. you feel good about yourself. but then you can't expose yourself or you can't take the chance that anybody else would ever see this or you can't let it be there too much, because then you get too comfortable with it, and it spills out, so you have to get rid of everything. >> someone might find it? >> yes. or you get too comfortable with that and you let down your guard. so the purge is something that probably every cross dresser and transgender and everybody else, it's like a reset point where i'm not doing this ever again and you're beating yourself up, i can't do this anymore. society has beaten us down so much for so many thousands of
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years. and i think it's the same similar with the lbgt community that it's always been such a suppressed and such a stigma attached to that, which doesn't always make any sense, it's in nature, it's so deep within you. we've been told not to. i wanted to be a s.e.a.l. because it was like the toughest of the tough. girl's night out. every time i walk out my front door, it's a challenge, it's a mission. still eating chalk for heartburn? yeah... try new alka seltzer fruit chews. they work fast on heartburn and taste awesome. these are good. told ya! i'm feeling better already. [ male announcer ] new alka seltzer fruits chews. enjoy the relief! [ male announcer ] new alka seltzer fruits chews. in parks across the country, families are coming together to play, stay active, and enjoy the outdoors.
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it was never enough. i wasn't sure i was going to be able to continue singing. i saw my dentist and he suggested biotene. it feels refreshing. my mouth felt more lubricated. i use the biotene rinse twice a day and then i use the spray throughout the day. it actually saved my career in a way. because biotene really did make a difference. this is chris beck in june
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of 2010, shortly before he retired from the military. shortly before his life changed dramatically. chris had served in some of the most dangerous combat zones in the world with one of the toughest units in the u.s. military, the navy s.e.a.l.s. beck enlisted in 1990. s.e.a.l.s who knew him say he developed a reputation as a good comrade and fearless warrior. the stuff training for s.e.a.l.s is legendary, but beck excelled. that's him taking down a target in hand-to-hand combat. diving under water to practice approaching ships from below. that's him doing a back flip during parachute training. commander rutherford knew beck when they were both s.e.a.l.s. >> he had a reputation for doing the most dangerous and most challenging things. to being the furthest out in the field that you could go. >> for 20 years, beck served
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with the s.e.a.l.s all over the world, including iraq and afghanistan. one of his primary jobs, intelligence, he grew a thick beard, earning him the nickname "the caveman." >> he's volunteered for all the hardest assignments. he volunteered for the most difficult missions. >> on, off, it's real easy. don't mess with this one here, because this is the sight itself. then you have a brightness control. >> beck became a senior chief on his s.e.a.l. team. >> you can load as many magazines as you want. >> but chris beck kept a secret from his fellow s.e.a.l.s. one he felt he couldn't share each among the men he served with and fought with, men he called his brothers. former navy s.e.a.l. brandon webb says reputation means everything. >> being in the s.e.a.l.s, it's an alpha male world.
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you have one of the toughest, most male dominated units in the military, and one -- it takes a lot of guts for someone like chris to come out with this. >> chris beck, now kristin beck, retired from service in 2011 and is living her life openly as a woman. her navy s.e.a.l. past is still a part of her, the battle scars testament to her dedication in the field. >> i'm 80% disabled. i fell off a ship. we were trying to board, and i fell off the ladder from 18 feet up, and i landed on a -- on the boat down below. i also had an accident where i broke part of my scapula. i broke this wrist, i've broken a lot of my fingers. i consider myself very lucky. i put up with all that pain as my payment for my freedoms. so i paid for my freedom to be
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able to live my life. >> why did you want to be a s.e.a.l.? >> that's a tough question. i wanted to be a s.e.a.l. because it was like the toughest of the tough, and so for me, having my femininity, it was like -- i've heard people say before, it's like escaping into hyper masculinity. and i go yeah, i didn't know what i was doing. i didn't know the term hyper masculinity. but it was more of those layers being on. and that's a huge, thick layer. >> so there was part of you that felt if you could become a s.e.a.l. and be in the toughest of the tough, that feminine side of you would disappear? >> yes. i could totally make it go away. if i could be at that top level, be -- maybe it would go away. maybe i could cure myself.
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>> you really thought that? >> yes. and i think it's probably the society and family pressure and everything else, as more people -- i tell my sisters and a couple of other people, i keep it secret. oh, my god, i can't believe you're doing that. i have no role models. i had no one to look up to. i ask that today, i look around and say name one transgender hero, and some people will say rupaul. and rupaul is an amazing person, done a lot of good stuff, but rupaul is a drag queen. she's an amazing actress, performer. but i'm not a performer. i want a normal life. i want to be the lady just down the street from you that you would never know was transgender. i'm just the lady down the street. i go shopping, i do this and that and i live my life as a normal woman down the street. i'm not performing. this is my life.
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>> so for 20 years as a navy s.e.a.l., 20 years in the navy, there was a core of who you were deep down inside, but you had all these disguises layered on sop of it. so no one knew the real you? >> no one ever met the real me. >> although the people that you served with -- >> never. >> you're in this incredibly secretive community. you're in this masculine military community, the navy s.e.a.l.s. >> yes. >> so that's got to add another layer to it. >> a huge layer. it was like that onion. you peel that back and you have as many layers of the onion as you can. but deep down inside the middle is where my female persona was hidden. >> did you like being a s.e.a.l.? >> yes. it's amazing. can you imagine being in a group
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of people where life and death is the everyday, you know, we do it all the time. it's in your trust and your camaraderie and the tightness of that. it's nothing like anything i've ever seen. >> there's nothing else like that bond? >> nothing like that, i don't think. especially when we start going to war with these guys and we're bleeding in the same sand, or going to the jungles and the places i've been. you know, bosnia, and all over africa and a few spots, afghanistan, iraq, all the other places i fought in these wars, and these different conflicts, you can never compare that to anything else. >> and yet you couldn't tell these -- you couldn't tell your brothers in arms who you really were. >> no, not at all. it was so deep that i -- i was cured for 20 years maybe. i don't know. that's the hard thing to explain.
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i had to suppress it so far. i did it here at the house. when i was off, out, i had weekends, so on the weekends i was decompress. but there would be six months when we were on deployment and i would stay away from it. >> it's got to be so sad to think that for 20 years you have this incredible bond with these people you're fighting with, and you want it to be the closest bond imaginable. and yet you can't really let yourself be yourself. >> it's definitely tough. it's strength and honor. when we shake hands, we say strength and honor, that's still what i gave true. i gave true brotherhood. i did my best 150% all the time. and i gave strength and honor and my full brotherhood to every military person i ever worked
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with, and i feel that pretty much any transgender person that is in the military right now, and there's a lot of them doing service, they're doing the same thing and you would never know that they were transgender or anything. it's just too bad, because they're doing a great job, and nobody even knows it. >> do you think some of the people you served with or maybe even people that didn't know you have heard your story feel you weren't being honest? >> i've had that. yes, i've had that actually told to me straight to my face that i was lying. i was like, how was i lying? i'm still doing a job and still doing this. >> everybody knows that s.e.a.l.s are incredibly strong. in my opinion, to do what you're doing now requires a whole other different kind of strength, though. >> i've seen that comment quite a bit. some of my s.e.a.l. team brothers say it's a whole different type of courage. it's not something i look at
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myself or say i'm courageous. i never thought about it that way. but there have been a lot of people that say that. i guess it is, and the only reason i did this a little more public than i wanted to originally is what i wrote in the beginning of the book. i found that the population in america, the suicide rate is between 1% to 3%. the transgender suicide rate is 50% to 60%. the teenage transgender, teenagers kids in high school, it's just like that, half. attempted or were able to follow through with it. the hey dread and bullying with these kids, they're so young, they don't know what they're doing, and they're afraid. >> what's it like to go outside now as you? i mean, is it -- i imagine part
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of it is liberating, and there's got to be also fear. >> yes. just like i said, i want to be the woman down the block, so i want to represent well. i want to go out there and -- it would be disrespectful to women and disrespectful to the lbgt community for me to go out my front door and not present myself as good as i could. >> they're going right in the same freaking hole. >> the weapon is shooting pretty good. every day we're working to be an even better company - and to keep our commitments. and we've made a big commitment to america. bp supports nearly 250,000 jobs here. through all of our energy operations, we invest more in the u.s. than any other place in the world. in fact, we've invested over $55 billion here in the last five years - making bp america's largest energy investor.
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come on. >> it would be an understatement to say that life is a lot different since chris began living full time as kristin. >> all of the stuff that women go through every day. we wake up, put on all the makeup, try to look pretty and presentable. and it's a lot more work than anyone would ever imagine. now i'm ready for the day. i got a lot of dresses and skirts and different things in the last few months or last six months. when i first started shopping, i would go to victoria's secret and make believe i was buying things for my girlfriend. now because i'm a full-time woman i'm buying things for myself. it's liberating. just like any girl in the entire world, i have a pretty good shoe selection. if i have to compare, if i like my guns or shoes better, i would have to say i like my shoes better now. when you have a really pretty
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press on, it empowers you and gives you that confidence. so my body armor i wear now is a very pretty dress and some of my heels. so it's kind of funny how that changes. >> the changes she's embraced have her focus more on wardrobe than warfare these days. but her military experience is never far from the surface. >> that's the beauty about this weapon. it's so simple, not a whole lot of moving parts. it's all together now. ready to go. >> for work, kristin supports herself with the skills she mastered as a navy s.e.a.l. >> we're driving up the 275 north to go to a shooting range. we're going to do some training with jim here. >> she's a paid firearms instructor and trains a local police s.w.a.t. team free of charge. >> weapons should be treated with respect.
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this type of training i see it as a service and as a continuance of what i did in the navy s.e.a.l.s. >> we're good. >> cool. >> let's lock and load. going hot. still shooting real high. i don't know why you're so high. let me take a shot. >> just wondering if it's off. probably not. >> they're going right in the same freaking hole. >> you put three in one hole, so the weapon is shooting good. i think we're good. now you've got to get more accurate, because i just showed you it's not the weapon. >> i know that.
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>> perfect. that's good. how does that feel? >> it's great. >> that's good shooting. want to do it again? >> yep. >> right in the bull's-eye. so there's the end of our training. >> thank you. >> mike, thank you. >> it's been a pleasure. remember, lady's night is monday night after 3:00. more than welcome. >> so we're going to go to the motorcycle shop and check in with one of the mechanics i do a lot of work with and see how the project is going. >> a long-time motorcycle enthusiast, kristin built a bike from the ground up. that exhaust pipe, part of a rocket-propelled grenade. she takes us to her favorite bar. >> it's a girl's night out. >> most of the friends she has today knew her as chris but have stood by her in her new life as
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kristin. >> i love you. >> you're going to make me blush. >> just stepping out of the house these days dressed as kristin is an act of courage. >> are you nervous? >> yeah. there's a lot of prejudice out there. every time i walk out my front door, it's a challenge. it's a mission. you want to make sure that i represent all of us women in a good way. this is my life. i passed a few gentlemen and one of them turned around and yelled a very derogatory term and hit me in the back of the head and kind of knocked me out on my feet. i was pretty much right down. i got right down on the ground and all of them started kicking me. ime, you will lose 3 sets of keys 4 cell phones 7 socks and 6 weeks of sleep but one thing you don't want to lose is any more teeth.
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>> is it something you actually work on that sort of your mannerisms, how you sit? >> yes. >> how do you go from being 20 years a navy s.e.a.l. the way you would sit as a s.e.a.l. to, you know, the way you're sitting right now is as a woman sits. >> i would say to any of the guys out there, if you put a skirt on, you automatically sit like this. it's something that i probably have to think ant a lot more. let me step back and a couple of years after i retired. so after i retired -- >> you retired in 2011. >> 2011, yes. so in 2011, i started -- i went out in public a couple of times and i started going out the front door. actually, i always went out the side door. but it was a scary thing. >> you went out the side door of your own house?
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>> yes, i would go out there and quickly jump in my car and drive. i would run to the car, open the car door up and drive away and go to a safe haven. where is the only safe haven i can go? so i go down to george's alley or flamingo. >> is that a bar? >> gay bar. the people there they open up their arms and it's tough. that first time, and i never did makeup before and i had this ratty wig and it was not very pretty. but i went down there and it was fun, because one of the drag queens kind of took me by the shoulder, and she was way taller than me. she said hey, your name is chris, and we really need to help you out. >> she is giving you makeup advice? >> yeah, you don't do lipstick all over your face like this.
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so i got a few lessons and i got better, and it was something -- think about a young girl growing up with her mom playing with her makeup when she's in grade school. all the time i missed, i had to catch up on. so i'm growing through me growing up period and puberty period, trying to cram it into like a month of sneaking out of my house and talking to them and learning more things, and trying to -- i don't want to disrespect women or my community. so i try to look good. >> i think about any other navy s.e.a.l. two has served 20 years and retired honorably and, you know, served our country, they walk down the street and were known to be a navy s.e.a.l., they would immediately get respect and i'm sure people buy them meals and give them the respect that everybody deserves.
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do you feel like you get the same amount of respect as a navy s.e.a.l. who served 20 years? >> i get the entire opposite. so when i was a s.e.a.l. team guy and i had my s.e.a.l. team clothing on, or if i had a symbol or t-shirt on that had a logo, walking down the street, it's a military man, holding his chest high. but when i put the dress on, it's like the total opposite. now it's a disrespect. what is that person doing? that's gross, it's this, it's that. then you get the snickering and pointing at. so you go from being the superman into being the lowest of the low. and getting beat up. i got jumped in tampa. i was walking -- >> you got attacked? >> i got attacked, yes, yes. >> what happened? >> so i was walking down the
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sidewalk, and this is not very long ago, six months ago, so it wasn't very long ago. i was looking pretty good. it was after i had a lot of those lessons about not to do my lipstick all over my face. i didn't look bad, i was doing okay. but as i was walking down the sidewalk, i passed a few gentlemen, and one of them turned around and yelled a very derogatory term and hit me in the back of the head, and kind of knocked me out on my feet. i was pretty much right down, i got right down on the ground and all of them started kicking me. then as i was waking up from getting hit in the back of the head, i was getting up as they were kicked me. then they stopped kicking me and ran off. so it was tough. >> that's got to feel terrible, not just the physical attack, but -- >> yes.
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>> -- just the lack of respect. >> yes. it's the ultimate prejudice against a person is to look at them and because of something their outside appearance is not like you, that you attack. so they don't know what's inside of me. they have no idea who i am. they don't know what my name is. they see an outer covering. they see a dress. they see that person. and because they see that outside, they attack. what's inside of me, they never consider what's in me. i'm a human being. why would you attack another human being because i'm wearing a dress or i have long hair or makeup on? or i'm white or i'm black or hispanic or anything. i have an outside, something that's different from you and you attack. it's the ultimate prejudice. >> you faced the worst dangers anybody could imagine during
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your multiple tours overseas. what scares you now? >> acceptance. ♪ norfolk southern what's your function? ♪ ♪ hooking up the country helping business run ♪ ♪ build! we're investing big to keep our country in the lead. ♪ load! we keep moving to deliver what you need. and that means growth, lots of cargo going all around the globe. cars and parts, fuel and steel, peas and rice, hey that's nice! ♪ norfolk southern what's your function? ♪ ♪ helping this big country move ahead as one ♪
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the way you feel? or are you planning to have surgery? are you not sure yet? >> the journey i'm on right now, i just recently came out, i'm starting to live my life as a full female. this is my life. >> so 24 hours a day -- >> 24 hours a day, we call it living full-time. so i'm full time. i'm on hormone replacement therapy right now. i haven't done any of the cosmetic or anything else. this is naturally me. i've done some hair removal for getting rid of my facial hair. that's pretty much all i've done. what you're seeing right now is my natural me, and i'm not happy with it. >> you're not happy with it? >> not at all. when i walked down the street six months ago i got jumped by four guys. >> so you feel you don't look feminine enough? >> not enough. >> you want to pass as a woman,
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not necessarily as a transgender woman, you want to pass as a woman? >> yes. i want to be as presentable as i can, and i still look at it as a respect thing for myself. so i don't press like this for anyone else. >> what are you hoping that this book achieves? because it seems like you're straddling two worlds that don't often meet. the military world, not just the military world, but the s.e.a.l. world and, you know, the transgender world, and you're sort of -- it's the first time i've ever heard of -- i know people who are active service who are transgender or gay or whatever, but to somebody to be so public and open up that kind of dialogue. >> the reason i wrote this book and the reason i'm doing
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everything i'm doing right now, all i want to do is try to bring some of these people to understand what a transgender is and we're not contagious and we're not dangerous and we're not asking for anything else. just like i said, i'm not asking for you to like me or love me or do anything, i just want you to not even tolerate me but don't bet me up and be prejudice against me. don't snicker and point at me, just leave me alone. >> a lot of people don't understand what transgender is, and gender is different than sexuality. so who you're attracted to has nothing to do with your gender. do you consider yourself heterosexual? do you consider yourself gay? are you attracted to men? which would mean you're heterosexual? >> i'm a transgender individual and i'm a human being. i'm very attracted to human beings. >> so you don't want to put a label on yourself that way?
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>> i don't think i can label it. just like somebody growing up and they start realizing what their life is or what they're doing or how they feel about things, i'm a human being and i'm attracted to humans. i'm attracted to intelligence. i'm attracted to whit and humor and happiness. >> you must have been so lonely for so long. i know you were married twice. >> yes. >> you have two kids. but still did the people you were married with have any idea of this part of you? >> it's -- that's probably part of the next story. >> are you scared now? >> yes. yes, i'm very scared. >> of what? i mean, you faced the worst dangers anybody could imagine during multiple tours overseas.
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what scares you now? >> acceptance. being liked. having -- you know, being loved. having people accept me and not be ridiculed and not be, you know, pointed at or anything else. it's very scary. i don't know what's going to happen. >> what do you hope happens? >> i want to have my life. i want to live in peace and happiness. i fought for 20 years for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. i want some happiness. for transgender people, you almost hate yourself when you look in the mirror. from capital one,d bjorn earns unlimited rewards for his small business. take these bags to room 12 please. [ garth ] bjorn's small business earns double miles
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when you look at pictures of yourself as you were in afghanistan or in the s.e.a.l.s, what do you see, that guy with the beard, what do you see there? >> it's a different person now. that's been put away back into -- that entire person, that bearded, you know, guy in the
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s.e.a.l.s is now inside of that small little spot way deep in the center. and now i have all these pieces of the onion of my female side surrounding that s.e.a.l. team guy. >> the person that -- chris, the person in those pictures, that's not the real you? >> that's the real me. the guy in the beard, the guy in the s.e.a.l. teams, that was the real me. the guy that rode the motorcycle, that was the real me. the guy that's wearing the dress right now, that's me. i'm a woman now. this is my life, and it's all me. >> but you felt -- even back then when you were in the s.e.a.l.s, you felt you were a woman, that you were meant to be a woman, and that you -- it's a cliche to say you were in the wrong body, but that's sort of the most commonly used phrase. that's sort of the way it felt?
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>> the way i felt was exactly that. but that doesn't change the person that you are, it doesn't change your mind or experiences. it doesn't change the wisdom that you've gained from all of your endeavors through life. >> it doesn't change your service? >> it does not change my service. it doesn't change anything about me. because i'm doing this now, it doesn't make me more. it doesn't make me less. it doesn't make me different. >> to have those feelings, and at the same time instantly know these are feelings that i have to -- i have to hide and control and mask, that's -- not many other people have to -- who don't have those same feelings have to mask who they really
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are, and it's got to take such a huge toll on you. more than being gay and because, you know, it's not being gay. it's different than being gay. it's masking a core of who you are, your gender. >> yes. >> from the earliest age, that's got to be so smothering. >> it's a torment. it's a struggle. it's something that you have to somehow come at peace with, within yourself. for transgender people, you've -- you almost hate yourself. when you look in the mirror, what you see is that reflection. what you're trying to see is that reflection from inside of you. but because we're human beings and we have this vision, i have these eyes, i only see this outer covering. >> do you regret joining the s.e.a.l.s? do you regret spending those 20 years not giving voice to the
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deepest part of yourself? >> i do not regret being in the s.e.a.l.s. i don't regret anything i've done in my life. some things i've done, i wish i could have done some things different. i think everybody has things they would do different. but for me, my wisdom and my experiences and the brothers i met along this journey would be -- that would be disrespectful. so i do not regret being in the s.e.a.l.s. >> and you hope the s.e.a.l.s you served with, and other s.e.a.l.s that are serving now, you hope they still view you as a person who lives with strength and honor? >> yes. yes, i do. i hope that they can look at me right now and understand i don't want to be in the public.
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i did feel it is something that was right because of what i've seen and learned about our community, the lbgt community, that this could bring a huge group of people that will be more educated now. because i am, and that's such a far widespread area going from super masculine navy s.e.a.l. to a transgender female. that's a pretty wide jump. if i can bring some of this together and bring understanding and education, that is the true reason i'm even here right now. otherwise, i would much rather be in the gray and disappear and never be in the public. >> and just be the woman down the street? >> yes. >> like it or not, kristin beck is much more than that. one day her wish may come true, for herself and so many others that just want to be themselves. thanks for watching.
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>> we also have the fonz on the show tonight, henry winkler. would you describe it as a gift? >> i carried a tremendous amount of anger. >> and we're going to do the walking dead. you're going to die when you hear what he has in store. >> there's a third threat that's coming out. >> "stroumboulopoulos" starts now!


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